Killing the DRAMA Queen or King in You

Robby Bradfordcharacter, discipleship, drama, healthy, leadership development, spiritual growth1 Comment

DRAMA–that element of personality that projects and injects negative, imagined emotion into situations, decisions, actions and words.  Have you ever been accused of being a DRAMA Queen or King? Have you ever worked with that guy who constantly seems to take everything to the next level emotionally and seems toxic in his relationships and conversations? Have you ever felt like Jan Brady has come with her whiny, complaining, self-defeating attitudes into your body?

This post is for you!  It’s all about how to kill the tendency for drama in you or in the people around you.


Recognize that you have a self-esteem problem or a character deficit that is leading to this.  The source of drama is almost always a self-esteem or character issue, so it’s good to remember this when you feel that drama rising up in you or you sense that someone is trying to bring you into their own drama.  Particularly when you think someone has said or done something because they don’t like you. It’s probably got nothing at all to do with whether or not they like you, but everything to do with whether or not you like you.

Ask a trusted friend, confidant, co-worker to kindly inform you when you are getting dramatic.  Yeah, find a way out of drama by making sure that someone is holding you accountable in this way.  Maybe you’re married to someone who is a little more level-headed than you, or someone whose stability you respect is in your circle of trusted friends. Let them know that you will be grateful if they’ll speak up when you appear to be going over the edge.  Be ready to accept it when they speak up and see it as true, faithful friendship. Remember what Proverbs 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Determine not to respond verbally to any situation until you have prayed for God’s perspective.  You might find this a tough step at first, but this discipline can save you a world of hurt and trouble.  Instead of imagining that saying that zinger or pouring gas on the flame will help or solve the problem, ask God for how he would have you respond.  Most likely, God’s Spirit will lead you to respond either out of love or faithfulness (Proverbs 3:3-4). In any case, quick replies in person or in email rarely end up delivering the message you had hoped.  If you’ve got issues with drama, you need to slow down the narrative in your life and respond to drama increasers at a more mellow pace.

Give yourself to “believing the best” about others before assuming the worst. Among the characteristics of love, Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:7, “
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  This suggests that to be a loving person requires that you approach others with a positive regard. The person who lives in a life driven by drama likely needs to focus on seeing others in a positive way.  They believe the best about others and don’t concoct plots that assume the worst about others.

Be aware of influencers or triggers to your tendency to get dramatic.  If you watch a lot of reality television and admittedly have some serious drama in your personality-DNA, you might consider that the kind of drama that makes reality TV fun is maybe not good for you.  Additionally, if you’ve got a friend who is regularly over-the-top emotional or given to gossip or loves to imagine that things said to them or to you were meant to insult, you might find a way to distance yourself from that person.  Sometimes drama is ignited by external forces in our lives.

These are some great first steps to help you put out the fire of unnecessary drama in your life.  What I’m talking about is not easy, but if you can put a lid on it, and limit it, you’ll find your life is actually full of so much to celebrate and that people will begin to look spend more time with you as they find that you are a reliable, stable and wise person.
This post was preceded by a few others.  You can see “Drama” by clicking here, or read “Insidious Drama” by clicking here.  You can also catch, “How to Extinguish Drama” by clicking here.

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